Come on a journey of inspiration & adventure while renovate & restore a beautiful Victorian home 'St Elmo' in the picturesque Hunter Valley, Australia & laugh at a few of our family adventures along the way.

Monday, September 26, 2011

I need some mummy advice...STAT!!!

As most of you know, but for those who don't, I have 4 children...3 girls & 1 boy.
My little boy will turn 9 yrs old in October  I do believe in many ways he is wise beyond his years.
He made a comment to me last night about something I was already troubled about & it has made me sad that he also notices my problem.
He said " Mum, you need to learn how to have FUN !"

Now there is a story behind this issue.
My little man has been a difficult child to manage from birth & I find I am always on guard, just waiting for what is to come next.
He can be downright, rude, cheeky, obnoxious, aggressive just an all round difficult person to deal with & when you get mad with him, he can be completely enraged & so insulted that he will turn the whole situation around & make you feel as though you have committed a crime against him.He will be completely taken over by anger & say awful things to you, just because you said  the word NO, but 5 minutes later he can be hugging you & calling you "the best mum in the world."

Earlier this year he was officially diagnosed with ADHD ( attention deficit hyperactive disorder). Now I know that a lot of people believe that this is an over used excuse for poor parenting, but I am here to tell you other wise. There is a huge difference between a kid being naughty & a kid with ADHD. When my little boy came along, I went from being that mum with those beautiful girls that always brought me compliments for their good behaviour & lovely manners to being "THAT MUM, with THAT KID". Life got to the point where if I had to go some where & I had no choice but take my son, I would have to assess what mood he was in first & 90% of the time I just didn't go & the job didn't get done.I just couldn't bare to be humiliated, again. I tend to live most of the time as a single parent due to the fact that my dream guy is generally at work & this make the situation  all the more challenging
There is an upside to this story.
 Whilst being assessed by the clinical psychologist he recommended a book for us to read

This book is my new bible. When I first began to read it I cried, it was like the author had been spying on us & even written down our conversations, word for word. After reading this, I knew with out a doubt, that he really did have ADHD

 My husband & I where very hesitant to go down the path of sedating him with drugs for the rest of his life, so we have opted to try out alternatives first & with great success.

We have been seeing at Naturopath & bio chemist for the past 4 months & I have to say that the transformation is astounding
He is following a wheat free, dairy free diet,  taking homeopathic drops & Chinese herbs specifically designed for him & its like we have a new boy. Don't get me wrong, we have ups & downs, but now its just like regular naughty stuff with regular kid reactions.
 His teacher now says he is a pleasure to have in the classroom..YAY!!

Last week we began working with a massage therapist using Kinesiology. He has only had an assessment so far & we are waiting on her report to see what direction we need to take in this department ,but our particular therapist has had some wonderful successes in this area, so here's hoping.
I don't know if anyone of you has a child with this disorder, but I do hope our story can help some one.

(I am capable of being fun, LOL!)

So back to my original problem, can anyone help me learn how to have fun with my now charming, happy & very quick witted little boy?

I do lots of activities to ensure he is entertained & stimulated, I have just lost my way when it comes to actually connect & laugh & play with him, its like I have built a bit of a wall to protect myself & I don't know how to break it down...AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!

I'm sure all of you wise owls with have some very insightful & creative suggestions :0)

Trish xx


Annie ~ Red Roses and Crystal said...

I applaud your decision to try alternative therapies with your son Trish.
Until recently I worked with special needs children and many parents/carers are trying diet and other therapies with success. While results vary with each case and some children still require meds it's certainly worth the effort involved and you sound fully committed to ensuring positive outcomes.
For sure I'm no expert Trish but I would relax and let your boy guide you and his Dad. Ask him how he would like to spend his play time and within reason follow his wishes and everything else often falls into place. Be kind to yourself, it will all fall into place as you rediscover this very special relationship with your lad.
And through your words you sound like a wonderful, caring Mum.
Best wishes
Annie xx

Jane said...

Oh Trish. Thankyou for sharing your journey so openly and honestly with us. I am just delighted that you seem to be on a upward swing - how wonderful, after all your years of concern and distress. As for tips, why don't you ask him for ideas? I find that's often the best way. Let us know how you go ☺. J x

Natasha in Oz said...

Good on you for following your heart. It sounds like life is going to be fabulous for you all!

I agree with Jane about asking your son for fun ideas but I always find that our whole family enjoys playing on the wii or playing board games like scattegories and pictionary.

Have fun whatever you do!

Best wishes,

Ez said...

Trishy your a wonderful Mum and that sneaky boy of yours knows this. I know that you are always trying to think up fun things for the family to do and knowing your boy as I do, he's a bit of a cool dud and thinks he's a bit "too cool for skool" lol I dont think most 9 yr old boys think that they're Mum's are fun...

Your doing a great job with him and he's a great kid because of it, I think he just knows how to press your buttons like the other men in our lives always do lol.


Ez said...

DUDE! not dud lol sorry!

Anonymous said...

Trishy, you are the best Mum in the world and you have four wonderful children. You inspire me as a Mum.

Why not get Mum and Dad to have a special day with Mya and you and Tom just have a day to yourselves. Doing things together.

I'm sure he would love to plan it, he likes to be in charge. lol.


Glamour Drops said...

So lovely to read your honesty in dealing with this. And I absolutely stand in awe at your determination to seek out alternatives. It's an amazing story, and encouraging that diet can change behavior so markedly.

The thought strikes me that your son himself may have the wisest answer to your question.

MrsKT said...

Trish, firstly what lovely words your sisters have to say about you. I agree you are a great mum! It is good to hear there have been some improvements through diet etc.

I can hear what you are saying about having fun, I am very guilty of "forgetting" how to have fun with my three little people. This post has made me stop and think, during these holidays I am going to try and have get out there and have some fun :)

Katena x

Kym said...

Wow Trish, what an incredible story. I admire your bravery and your honesty in sharing such a personal struggle. I also applaud you in taking responsibility and turning it into something positive for you and your boy. I can relate to putting up that wall.. and being on guard just waiting for an explosion.... a psychologist once told me to just spend some one on one quality time with your child to start to build that relationship....let him direct the activities.....good luck...XOX

Mimi said...

Trish you are amazing, thank you for sharing your family with us, I feel for you and your little boy. My nephew who is now 16 has some form of ADHD but his parents did nothing to help him unfortunately. Good on you for doing the natural way, that is what i would have done for my nephew. Your fun times will come. Mimi xx

brismod said...

That must have been a hard post to write about. You know as a Mum when something is not quite right. I've got three boys and they are relatively well-behaved (the little one is a handful but I'm putting that down to his age for now!) although they do have their moments.
I always find cooking is a good thing to do with my boys. But actually getting them to do it and take responsibility for it. And swimming. They always badger me to go swimming with them, and I rarely do because it's too cold. When I do go in the pool with them they just love showing off for me. xx

lisa mae said...

i just loved reading your post and your honesty and openess.......
and love that your trying all these cool things with your son.......
the best way i have fun, is to be / feel like a kid again myself, i love your photo very funny......
the more fun you have the easier for the walls to come down big smooch to you and yours trish xx

Linda @ theLENNOXX said...

Wow what a wonderful post Trish. I know exactly how it is to live with an ADHD person, my younger brother. He was behaving exactly like you describe your son to behave, and at about 16 he was diagnosed and put on meds. Suddenly I had a new brother, an actual normal boy. Now he is 25, has turned his food habits around (especially cut down on sugar) and is medicine free.

It's so great to hear that you tried alternatives to medicine, and I'm so happy it works!

My tip about having fun: Don't focus on "doing fun activities", fun needs to be spontaneous, often and surprising. Fun doesn't have to mean doing something, it can be the shared idea of doing something crazy =)

Good luck having fun and all my best wishes to your son.

xox Linda

Darkbyte said...

Trish you rock. Good move seeking natural alternatives.

As for fun, I recommend water balloons and super soakers :P

Tanya Martin said...

Hi Trish it's Tanya, Max's mum from soccer. As you know I have had some experience with this being ADD myself and having both an ADD child and an autistic child. I tried everything to keep my ADDer off meds but when I finally had no alternatives left to me and started her on them I felt guilty for not having done so earlier. While they are not the complete answer, they do make it easier for them to learn the skills that they need.

There are a lot of brilliant resources online, most from the US. One in particular that I have found useful is ADDitude magazine. I don't have the URL on this computer but if you google it you will find it very helpful


Unknown said...

Is great to try natural alternatives in the first place.

Beautiful House said...

Hi Trish, what a fabulous and caring mum you are. Boys are so different, my youngest is 7, he absolutely loves cars, so we play cars, leggo, frisbie, he loves the drums, guitar we have also been giving cooking a go too. He wasnt too interested in reading for a while, but I tried the old Dr. Seuss books which were a bit of fun and helped him enjoy bed time stories with me. As soon as my mum arrives he has her running out side with him, each with water guns. I'm exhausted just typing all this.xx

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